Victimology

We have to be mindful and careful how we interact with others. Not everyone wants to talk about what is bothering them and on the other hand those who want to address an issue might not always have a listening ear on the other end. This can cause problems. For example, I had a certain way I felt and wanted to bring it up to the other person and hopefully talk about the issue like adults. I stated I felt a certain way and something had been bothering me. Instead of getting a calm response as an adult would give someone, I got name calling, "screaming" in a text, and hate. This was not my intention. The other factor I noticed was that this person said I always try and find things to start problems. Why did the person think this? My experience is that when  you have an issue you try and talk about it. That is what I was taught by my parents. Not only that but as an adult you just know that in order to handle situations we must talk about them. So while I am sitting there thinking WOW, when I want to bring up my feelings to this person or try and talk about issues that bother me or the way I feel, this person takes that and twists their ideas of me. I am coming to a situation and saying I want to talk about this because it is bothering me. The other person is immediately defensive and pointing fingers that I am trying to start something, when clearly that is not my intention. Why do people act this way? I immediately think back to yesterdays post....

When people pick on someone they are usually jealous of them or their life for some reason. I like to think of this as a form of victimology. This victimology can and will most likely lead to other things such as bullying.

Victimology -

1. • the possession of an outlook, arising from real or imagined victimization, that seems to glorify and indulge the state of being a victim.

   
   

So how does victimology tie in to the above paragraph? If the person you are trying to connect with feels intimidated by you, or jealousy towards you, they will immediately try and play victim. They will try and turn the conversation into attacking you, so that they can play victim. A lot of times they will bring up things they have inside about you that they will not get to the bottom of. Adults in this case will sit down and talk about what is going on. Unless this person has childish ways that is what most adults will do. Family most of the times will sit down and talk about what is bothering them. People might be "family" yet they have no intention of loving or accepting everyone. Especially those who come into "their" family through marriage, etc. It is sad that the outsider will become a victim of bullying because they do not make the bully of a certain group or family happy. If you do not meet the standards of someone who has a bullying mentality then you will most likely be the target.  

So take a step back. I have learned that I have to wipe my hands clean of people like this. There is always room to give more chances, but there is a point when you have to stop giving chances because the situation is obviously futile. You have to step away until the other group or persons can become that like minded adult and stop the negative attacking. Sometimes though when you are dealing with an irrational person or people, there will never be a point when things are fixed or dealt with and you have to let go and move on or you will just become depressed about the situation that you are unable to fix.