SCAPEGOATING


Most of us who are targeted and bullied are done for reasons beyond our control. A lot of times the reasons that someone is chosen to be bullied is because there is some background in the bullies life that they can't or won't address and they will eventually begin taking it out on someone else.

Why would a family chose a loved one to bully and scapegoat? Scapegoating is often a way for families to hide problems that they cannot face. For example, say someone grew up being abused by both parents. As an adult child, scapegoating became the way for the adult child to hide the history of abuse. This adult child would then choose to pick someone out, usually someone who is a newcomer to the family to pick on, or scapegoat. This person could also be a fellow sibling, cousin, etc, that shows to be more vulnerable. Likewise, if there is some lack of relationship between a child and a parent, that person might also become a bully because the relationship has caused them to have some anger or disappointment that they won't address.

I feel that the one who was considered the "mean" brother or sister will usually become the bully towards the person that the other siblings choose to marry or bring around. In my personal experience I have seen and heard firsthand the treatment of a man's wife who was being bullied by a sibling of her husbands. The wife would make personal choices that wouldn't sit well with the bully in the family, so the wife became the target. She was then picked apart and the nice person that I had been told about and that I had a little interaction with was so scattered. I saw a nice, quiet, gentle person. She began to become belittled after the initial incident and everything she did from then on was "wrong" in the families eyes because the bully would say or would make the wife out to be bad. Because of the expectations of the bully in the family,  the wife didn't seem to stand a chance.

One of the incidents I know of involved a personal choice. If you are being put in a situation and feel as if you are trying to be forced to give out information that maybe you want to keep between you and your spouse, you and your best friend, or you and God, then do it. If something doesn't involve the other persons body then it is not their business. There are certain reasons why it would be necessary to share information with another person, i.e., if it involves the other persons child, etc,. What we need to remember is that our life is our business. We do not answer to anyone but God. We don't have to answer to some bully in our spouses family or even our own.

Father God, please touch someones life who is struggling with being bullied. Please let those who are on both sides of a bullying situation know what is right and wrong. You are the only one who matters and knows our hearts. Also please touch the person who is  bullying others and let them know that You are there and they don't need to hurt others or blame others and that they can talk to You instead of being the nasty bully that You did not create.

Help me as I share my thoughts and personal situation and knowledge of abuse that You will help me to pray for those who persecute me and help me realize that they have something that they need to let go instead of directing their anger, resentment, or whatever else is hurting them on to me and possibly others.

Amen