I stabbed myself today with a needle. I started my Copaxone injections today. I never imagined in my life that I would be the lucky candidate to receive assistance in paying 1800 dollars a month for medicine and a pen that would shoot this stuff into my body that burns. I never imagined either that I would be a member of a club unwillingly. This club has an awareness week, has non club members hold benefits to raise money for it, and has a color designated to be associated with it. The thing is I didn't sign up for this club, honestly at first I thought I don't want to be a member of your group.
I am not afraid of needles so when I was told that the treatment for MS was injections, I didn't freak out. When I was in middle school I was a cheerleader. I could do all the cheers and was one that could tumble, my mother put my sister and I in gymnastics when we were younger. One day at practice, I took of to do a roundoff back-handspring. There was a problem at the beginning. My wrists could not support what I was doing. I collapsed to the ground in curiosity mid roundoff. I was good at tumbling, now why all of the sudden could I not do it? Also, in basketball practice it hurt so bad when the ball would hit my hands as I was catching it. I sat out a lot in practices, I am sure people might have thought I was faking it. The truth was that I went to another specialist after my dad decided that my blood count was not right, and Dr. Elizabeth Taylor-Albert (no joke) diagnosed me with Juvenile Rheumatoid Arthritis. The medicine I was put on required that I get blood taken often to ensure my white blood cell count was normal. So that being said, needles have never bothered me.
Stacey is my nurses name. Home care patients can be young too, I am one of them. She came down from Oklahoma City to teach me how to do my injections. A lot of information, but I will get it. I was not afraid really, just more nervous. Did I trust myself to do this? I had to. The first injection seemed to easy to be true. I did all the steps myself with Stacey's help of course, the first culprit of sites was my left thigh. I injected and held the needle in for 10 seconds while the medicine infused into my body. "The medicine could burn inside up to 15 minutes." Stacey said as she asked me how I felt. "Fine." I said "That was easier than I thought." No sooner had those words got out of my mouth than I started feeling really hot, and sweating, and could not catch my breath. I didn't feel good. "You are probably having what we call a site reaction," says Stacey. I leaned down with my hands on my face, and my elbows to my knees. "I don't like this dad." I started crying. I hated the way my body felt, I made my body feel this way and I did not like it. At this moment I did not want to do this. I really wanted to give up. After 15 minutes I felt relaxed again. "If this happens again tomorrow you need to call your doctor because you might be allergic to the Copaxone." No, I thought to myself. This was the medicine with the least side effects. Plus, I have been waiting about 2 weeks to start my treatment and if I had to change I would have to wait longer. All I have wanted was to get started on treatment, that would not be good.
Stacey left to go back to OKC. She left me there with my parents, a sense of accomplishment, and nervousness. Now it was up to me. I am a member of the club no matter if I want to be or not. I can't let this membership consume my life. I have to still be me and do everything I love to do. I still must respect the club, but not let it ruin me.
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