The love of a family

I know it has been a while since I have posted. I have started summer school and been working on a lot of things with my recent diagnoses, such as therapy, and learning how to alter my lifestyle to learn how to manage my MS the best way I can. And in all that still being a "spouse" and a mother of a 20 month old little boy. I am going to try and catch you up on this past summer, because its been almost 3 months since I wrote last.

April 30th of this year was the Walk MS-OKC. My sister started a team and it was called "Team Gean." Gean is my middle name and also the name of our Event Planning company that we established last year. www.geanparties.com Little ad throw in ;) I was named after my mothers best friend Gina who died of cancer in her younger years. Also, my dads oldest sister and my mothers oldest sisters middle names are Jean/Eugenia, the Spanish translation. Team Gean consisted of friends and family members and raised about 2000 dollars for the National M.S. Society/ Oklahoma Chapter. The walk was at the OKC ZOO and raised about 150K dollars! Around 2500 people showed up to support and walk for this cause, that has now became my cause as well.

As Blake, Baylem, and I, our little family, made our way into the parking lot of the Zoo, It struck me of what I might see. And I am not going to lie, I did become a little choked up and scared. There might be people here that are in wheelchairs because of this disease. That moment on I was so scared as we walked up to the meeting point. I had just been recently diagnosed with MS, and in my mind I wasn't ready to handle the what if's, or that could be me one day. Just as I expected there were people in wheelchairs, young and old. Was I stupid for thinking there wouldn't be or was I just still putting off the thoughts, and was still maybe in denial.
You know when your young and you don't know why or understand why certain people have to use a mobility device and you might stare? Well that was me that day. There I was, 27 years old staring at those people with disabilities in the wheel chairs. How dare me. But in reality we had something special in common that lead up to their aid. We both have M.S. I found myself looking at not just the chairs, but their legs, or their arms, facial expressions, demeanor. One thing I did notice was that they all looked content.

There was Team Gean waiting for the walk to begin. As I looked around I saw my cousins, aunt, my cousins children, family friends, and friends of my family members that I might not have known. My sister handed me the t-shirt she had made. It was green, my favorite color, and on the front it read "Team Gean, She will run again." It took everything I had for me to not start crying. All these people were there for me. They loved me and were concerned and wanted to support me. They woke up early on a Saturday and took the time out of their lives to do this. It meant so much to me. Especially being newly diagnosed and not knowing how to handle myself and still being in a whirlwind of disbelief, anxiety, and just thousands of different emotions all at once. I love them all very much.

We started the walk and I had to hold on to my son, Baylem's stroller. I have noticed over the past 3 years I have needed something in front of me to be able to walk without tripping. We took him over to the animals as we walked. When we pulled over for a bathroom break, I noticed there was a wheelchair sitting outside the restroom I was at. I went in and there were 2 older ladies inside. As I came out I realized it was gone, and it had been one of those ladies who looked totally capable of walking. This is the conclusion I drew in my head: maybe they are like me and just need help. Not the fact that they are confined to it, just a little extra help like my sons stroller. It made me think differently about all the people who I supposed needed the chair. They might have needed help, and I am sitting here thinking that they were doomed, and so was I. That is not always the case. Just because your in a wheelchair doesn't mean you can not enjoy life. I knew that and has always known that but its harder to accept when it might be something you think about more.

My family is so close and God has blessed us so much. It is so weird to say this but I guess since we are on the topic of family I might as well. When things started to become strange for me around the time I was diagnosed and experiencing more symptoms and had a relapse, I was driving home thinking. I thought about how blessed our family was and how awesome of a connection we all have maintained. I contribute that to our parents and their parents. I thought about how we have been so blessed that we have not lost any of our immediate family members from diseases or tragically because I hear of a lot of families who have and do experience that. I began thinking I haven't always felt so good and I wonder if my physical condition is the reason. Is it me the one who is going to be that person? The cousin, sister, aunt, etc. who will have to endure a hardship. (We did lose our Uncle Andy at a young age. Even though he was divorced from my mother's sister, I still loved him and considered him my unlce, we all did.) Was I the one who was going to be faced with a trial because no one in our immediate family really has? I honestly did think that and began to cry because in the back of my mind I knew that something wasn't right, and this might be true. I was scared, but I remember thinking I would rather it be me than my siblings or family that I love dearly, and especially my son.
And it was.

I think about this day often in my mind now. I think about the truth that I will have to face a disease. "It could be worse," is what I always tell people when they say how sorry they are and how bad they feel for me. It really could be worse. Like I said earlier in my blog, I was relieved to hear the diagnoses of multiple sclerosis than a diagnoses of an inoperable tumor. And the truth is as you can see I have such a huge support system that would be there for me no matter if I was in a wheelchair from this, or if I will just always walk with a drag or limp at times. They continue to love me and support me and not all people are blessed with such an amazing support system. So here is to you all. Vickie,Mike, Mandi, Kayli, Jeff, Mickie, Mike, Damon, Dylan, Don, Dana, Kelsey, Kinsey, and all the families you have created. And to my wonderful parents Mike and Debbie and my siblings Jessica, Joshua, and Vincent and your families. I love you and I will endure this and win because I have all of your love. I hope and pray this is the only thing our family will face together and I am fine with that. And lastly to my family Blake and Baylem. Thanks for sticking by me when sometimes I am  unbearable and want to give in. And mostly to our God. I love you all.